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Welcome to our site. The Heal Our Homes Foundation is dedicated to helping bring domestic violence against men out into the open. Our foundation is dedicated to Willie Wiltz and other men abused and/or murdered as a part of domestic violence against them by their domestic partners.

According to the Mayo Clinic (http://www.mayoclinic.com), “It might not be easy to recognize domestic violence against men.”

“Domestic violence — also known as domestic abuse, battering or intimate partner violence — occurs between people in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence against men can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse and threats of abuse. It can happen in heterosexual or same sex relationships.”

It might start with simple things, such as him being slapped or shoved when his girlfriend or wife is angry. Or there might be uncontrolled jealousy, possessiveness, or constant accusations of him being unfaithful. And there could be actual threats. As the Mayo Clinic points out, “Typically the violence becomes more frequent and severe over time.”

In the case of Willie Wiltz, it led to his murder.

For more information about The Heal Our Homes Foundation or domestic abuse against males, please write us at info@healourhomes.org or check back here often for for informative articles and info we will post. Your comments are always welcome!

Don’t Down Play These Warning Sign’s

Men as Victims of Domestic Violence
For too long, domestic violence has been framed and understood exclusively as a women’s issue. While most attention is given to women who are abused by men, men are often overlooked victims of domestic violence. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief, men account for approximately 15% of the victims of reported intimate partner violence (February 2003).

Women who abuse men are not much different than their male counterparts who abuse women. Men can be hit, kicked, punched, pushed, or bitten by women abusers. Women can also use weapons, such as knives, guns, or any object that can be used to strike.

Abused men are not necessarily smaller or physically weaker than the women who abuse them. Abused men often do not use their greater size or strength to hurt their abusive partners even when they are being hurt.

Think about domestic violence and you think of women, battered by their husband, boyfriend, or a man they used to involved with. Now, think again. Every year in the U.S., about 3.2 million men are the victims of an assault by an intimate partner. Most assaults are of a relatively minor nature such as pushing, shoving, slapping or hitting, though many are more serious – and some end in homicide.

Why Men Don’t Report Physical Abuse

Men often suffer physical abuse in silence because they are afraid that no one will believe them or take them seriously. In fact, some men who do try to get help find that they are mocked and ridiculed. No one would even think of telling a battered woman that getting beaten by her husband wasn’t a big deal, but people often don’t think twice about saying that to a battered man. Many men are too embarrassed to admit that they are being abused.

Traditional gender roles also confuse the matter. A “real man” is expected to be able to “control” his wife. Aside from the embarrassment over admitting abuse, abused men may feel that they are somehow less of a man for “allowing” themselves to be abused. But just like abused women are told when they suffer physical violence, abuse is never the victim’s fault. This is no less true just because the victim happens to be male.

Intimate Partner Violence – The Stats

There are a number of difficulties in the collection of statistical data about intimate partner violence. The major problem is that the true size of IPV is unknown because of under-reporting. Statistical data are also affected by different counties and states not collecting data in the same way. This is particularly true in the case of men, probably because of the stigma and embarrassment men may feel as victims of domestic violence.

It is universally recognized that women are more likely than men to be the victims of IPV. In 2002, 24 percent of U.S. homicides that were as a result of IPV were men, compared with 76 percent involving women as victims. The National Crime Victimization Survey reported in 2003 that 85 percent of IPV victims were women.

What to do

When safe, the domestic violence system needs to treat violent couples as violent couples, instead of shoehorning them into the “man as perp/woman as victim” model. Counseling services for violent couples are unnecessarily rare.

Establish services and help for male domestic-violence victims. Denise Hines of Clark University found that when an abused man called the police, the police were more likely to arrest him than to arrest his abusive female partner. This is partly the result of primary aggressor laws, which encourage police to discount who initiated and committed the violence but instead look at other factors that make them likelier to arrest men. When the men in Ms. Hines’ study tried calling domestic-violence hot lines, 64 percent were told the hot lines helped only women, and more than half were referred to programs for male domestic-violence perpetrators.

Work to ensure that male domestic-violence victims will not lose their children in custody proceedings. Ms. Hines found that the biggest reason male domestic-violence victims hesitate to leave their wives/girlfriends is concern for their children. If they leave, their children are left unprotected in the hands of a violent mother. If they take their children, when they’re found, the children will be taken away and given to the mother. Moreover, the men are likely to lose custody of their children in the divorce/custody proceeding in any event.

Tips for the male victim of domestic violence

Take the violence seriously. Many men are inclined to find it amusing when the “little woman” lashes out at them. (In one survey of college students, 20 percent of men who had been attacked by their girlfriends thought it was funny.) Violence that seems harmless at first can escalate. The first time she hits you, tell her that if there’s a second time, it will be the last time she sees you – and act on it.

Don’t hit back. If you’re an average sized man and your partner is an average sized woman, you can do major damage with a single blow. You willl feel much better about yourself if you don’t retaliate in kind. However, physically restraining the batterer is ordinarily not an acceptable alternative. Criminal Confinement is also a felony criminal charge in Indiana.

Don’t keep it a secret. If you cannot easily leave (because of the children, for example) let someone know what is happening. Overcome the embarrassment and call the police. Talk to a counselor, to your doctor, to family members.

Speak out about your experience as a victim of abuse. Perhaps domestic violence would no longer be perceived as merely a woman’s issue.

Menweb: Help for Abused Men.

Battered Men – The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence. 835,000 men battered each year, silent too long . . . Help for Battered Men – Resources for battered men; Help is available; Are You Battered or Abused?; Why Men Don’t Do Anything About It; Why Men Don’t Get Help?; What You Can Do; Washington Centers that Serve Men; Other Centers that Serve Men; On-line Help and Support; Latest Research Findings; Articles; In the Media.Menstuff: Domestic Violence – Another Perspective.

Menstuff has compiled information, books and resources on the issue of domestic violence. Unlike most other national, regional, local and web site resources on Domestic Violence, we don’t exclude information pertaining to women as perpetrators and men as victims. We’re one of very few to actually provide information written for men who are in an abusive relationship. If you know of others, please let us know.“Male Victims of Domestic Violence. Why Men Don’t Report Physical Abuse,” by Christina Gleason. (May 25, 2008)

Men who are abused by women often suffer in silence. In addition to the shame shared by many women victims of domestic violence, men must overcome gender stereotypes.Domestic Violence Resources for Men Blog.

The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women (DAHMW) was founded in October 2000. We offer support and services to victims of domestic violence and specialize in working with men in relationships with abusive women.“Male Victims of Domestic Abuse,” by Marc E. Angelucci. (About.Com)

When we ignore male victims of domestic abuse, we also ignore their children, who continue to be damaged by witnessing the violence regardless of how severe it is. We cannot break this intergenerational cycle by ignoring half of it.“Help for Battered Men; Domestic violence befalls mostly women, but men are victims, too. (WebMD)

More than 830,000 men fall victim to domestic violence every year, which means every 37.8 seconds, somewhere in America a man is batteredMale Victims of Domestic Violence: A Substantiuve and Methodological Research Review,” by Michael S. Kimmel. (Violence Against Women, 2002)

This substantial article examines the issues of men who are victimized by domestic violence in heterosexual relationships. Over the past several years, there has increasing attention to the issues of men who are victimized by heterosexual domestic violence, most of which is based on research done that is based on the Conflict Tactics Scale (CTS) developed by Murray Straus and Richard Gelles. In this current paper, Kimmel addresses the research that suggests men are victimized as often as women from both substantive and methodological perspectives. Through the process, Kimmel also addresses the CTS and raises substantive issues with the continued use of this tool to examine domestic violence.“Men As Victims of Intimate Violence,” by Marc Dubin. (Communities Against Violence Network (CAVNET) June 29, 2004)

As a man who has prosecuted domestic violence, served as Special Counsel to the Violence Against Women Office at the Justice Department, and serves as Executive Director of CAVNET, I want to try to respond to some of the issues raised.“References Examining Assaults by Women on their Spouses or Male Partners: An Annotated Bibliography,” by Martin S. Fiebert. (Department of Psychology, California State University, Long Beach, Last updated: November 2009)

This bibliography examines 271 scholarly investigations: 211 empirical studies and 60 reviews and/or analyses, which demonstrate that women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men in their relationships with their spouses or male partners. The aggregate sample size in the reviewed studies exceeds 365,000.“Men: Hidden Victims of Domestic Violence,” by Benjamin Radford, LiveScience’s Bad Science Columnist. (06 December 2007 12:55 pm ET)

When most people think of domestic violence, they think of men abusing women. While that stereotype is often true, many women are also guilty of violence against their partners. It happened just last week when Mary Delgado, a former NFL cheerleader and contestant on the reality TV show “The Bachelor,” was arrested in Seminole, Florida, for attacking her fiance Byron Velvick.“Domestic violence against men: Know the signs, seek help,” by The Mayo Clinic Staff.

Domestic violence against men isn’t always easy to recognize, but it can be a serious threat. Consider ways to break the cycle. Women are more often the victims of domestic violence — but domestic violence affects men, too. Understand the signs of domestic violence against men, and know how to get help. 


 

 

Crime Rate Raising Daily With Domestic Violence Against Men

Prosecutors charge San Bernardino woman in stabbing death of boyfriend

Man is 41st homicide victim in the city this year
Posted:   11/14/2012 02:21:17 PM PST

 

Brianna Jones (Courtesy photo – San Bernardino Police Department)

Related stories: Man dies of wound from Friday stabbing | Shedding light on male domestic violence

 


A 26-year-old San Bernardino woman was charged Wednesday with murder in the stabbing-related death of her boyfriend following a night out in Los Angeles, police said.

Brianna Jones stands accused of stabbing her live-in boyfriend of a year, Martin Luther King Daniels III, 28, of San Bernardino, once in the chest, knicking his heart, during a heated argument over “relationship issues” in the wee hours of Nov. 9, police Sgt. Gary Robertson said.

The couple had just returned home from a concert in Los Angeles when the fight erupted, said Robertson. He said he didn’t know if something occurred during the couple’s night out that triggered the stabbing.

“They had typical boyfriend/girlfriend issues. She said she felt like she wasn’t being appreciated enough,” Robertson said.

Daniels died of his wound at 4:48 p.m. Monday at Loma Linda University Medical Center. An autopsy was conducted Wednesday to determine the cause of death, Robertson said.

The couple’s roommate called 9-1-1 following the stabbing, and Jones was not forthright with detectives at first, Robertson said.

“She basically said she didn’t know who stabbed him or how he got stabbed,” Robertson said, adding that it was only after further interrogation that Jones


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confessed to stabbing her boyfriend.Jones’ three children, all under the age of 10, were placed into the custody of child protective services, Robertson said.

Daniels’ death made him the 41st homicide victim in the city this year, a 27-percent increase over last year’s body count of 30 victims, Robertson said.

The uptick in homicides has not been a strain on department resources, Robertson said. In fact, the Police Department’s homicide detail has a 58.5-percent homicide clearance rate this year, slightly higher than last year’s clearance rate of 55 percent and higher than the national average of 55 percent, Robertson said.

“We’ve had to work harder and work more because we’ve already had 11 more homicide victims than last year, so we’re more busy,” Robertson said.

As is typically the case, the circumstances surrounding the homicides vary. Some are gang-related, some drug-related, some robbery-related and some are crimes of domestic violence ending in tragedy, such as the recent case involving Jones and Daniels, Robertson said.

As to why the increase in homicides, Robertson didn’t have an answer.

“It doesn’t seem like there are any real factors as to why we have an increase in these incidents. There’s really no commonality to this at all,” he said.

Jones, who according to online court records has prior misdemeanor convictions for petty theft, disorderly conduct while intoxicated and possession of marijuana, remains in custody at the West Valley Detention Center in Rancho Cucamonga, where she is being held in lieu of $1 million bail.


Domestic Violence Awareness Press Conference 10/11/2012

San Bernardino County officials stand up for domestic-violence victims

Posted:   10/11/2012 05:22:26 PM PDT
Updated:   10/11/2012 05:45:20 PM PDT

Several family members and friends as well as members of law enforcement and the San Bernardino County District Attorney‘s Office came together on a rainy Thursday morning to remember two people whose lives were cut short because of domestic violence.Tania Villalobos was only 17 when her husband, Alejandro Hernandez Villalobos, attacked and killed her in 2010 in San Bernardino, authorities said.

Only a few days before Valentine’s Day last year, 23-year-old Willie Wiltz, reportedly was gunned down by his girlfriend, Ebony Davis, as Wiltz attempted to leave their home in San Bernardino during an argument.

“Sadly, we see far too many cases in our county related to domestic violence,” District Attorney Michael Ramos said at a news conference at Hermosa Gardens Cemetery in Colton, where both Villalobos and Wiltz are buried.

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

In 2011, the DA’s Office filed 127 murder cases in San Bernardino County. Nine were related to incidents of domestic violence.

“Unfortunately, domestic violence is still a common issue within our community,” Carolina Zaragoza Flores, the local consul of Mexico, said in a written statement.

Domestic violence is an under-reported crime, but when the victim is male, the number of reports are even smaller, authorities say.

Out of about 100 cases, only about four involved male victims, said Traci Rediford, a victims advocate for the DA’s



Office.”The police cannot stress enough the need for people to come forward and report domestic violence,” said San Bernardino Police Chief Robert Handy. “So often we see a continued progression of violence where the abuse starts out being tolerable but ultimately ends in tragedy. We need victims, family members, friends and neighbors to stand united and report domestic violence.”

On Thursday, the DA’s Office released a video focusing on the myths in the Latino community about domestic violence.

“As a government of Mexico’s office board, we believe that education is the most effective strategy to avoid this kind of violence,” said Flores.

Authorities urge anyone who is a victim of domestic violence to reach out to any law enforcement agency or advocacy group.

beatriz.valenzuela@inlandnewspapers.com

909-386-3921, @IEBeatriz

A Story Written In The San Bernardino Sun Regarding Willie

Shedding light on male domestic violence

Posted:   11/11/2012 07:34:26 PM PST

Standing nearly 6 feet tall and weighing about 230 pounds, 23-year-old Willie Wiltz may have been an imposing figure, but his mother said he was a “big boy with a big heart.”But that large frame hid something that ultimately killed him.

Wiltz was a victim of domestic violence, and a few days before Valentine’s Day 2011, Wiltz, an athletic young man who enjoyed playing basketball, was gunned down as he attempted to leave his home in San Bernardino during an argument with his girlfriend, Ebony Davis.

“I didn’t think it would ever come to this,” said Wiltz’s mother, Darlene Young of Los Angeles.

She said her son had told her about some of the incidents of abuse, but he always told his mother not to worry and that he could take care of it.

According to the Domestic Violence Research Center, exact numbers of male victims of domestic violence are difficult to obtain because of a lack or reporting, but the National Institute of Justice and the Centers for Disease Control estimates that 1.5 million women and 835,000 men are victims of domestic violence each year.

“Men are supposed to be strong and take it,” said Sheri Dorn, an English teacher at Upland High School who incorporates teaching about dating and domestic violence and gender roles in her curriculum.

“Because both men and women are forced into these stereotypical roles, men may be too ashamed to come forward and report the abuse.”

Out of 100 domestic-violence


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cases filed in San Bernardino County, only about four involved male victims, said Traci Rediford, a victims’ advocate for the District Attorney’s Office.A San Bernardino man is in critical condition after being stabbed Friday. His girlfriend, Brianna Lanee Jones, 26, was arrested on suspicion of attempted murder. As of Sunday, she had not been charged with domestic violence.

In 2011, prosecutors filed 127 murder cases in San Bernardino County. Nine were related to domestic violence. Although the overwhelming majority of domestic-violence victims are female, experts are seeing that both men and women engage in comparable levels of abuse and control, including jealousy, isolation and attacking a partner’s self-esteem.

Much like domestic violence against women, the abuse that Wiltz underwent did not start with hits and punches, Young said, but with name-calling and emotional abuse.

As Wiltz kept minimizing and failing to report the abuse, Davis became increasingly violent and eventually became physically abusive, Young said.

“She used to hit him and even pull on his privates,” Young said she later learned.

For some men, it’s not just shame but fear that if they call law enforcement, they will not be believed and will be taken to jail themselves, Rediford said.

“There needs to be a retraining at all levels – in private homes and in law enforcement – so that men and women can get the help they need for abuse,” Dorn said.

Men are in a difficult position, Young said, because while they are taught to never hit a woman, they are not taught to report the violence.

“We tell them to walk away,” Young said. “We tell them not to fight back. We tell them they’re stronger than a woman, but we never teach them to call the police.”

After her son was killed, Young realized how few resources there were for men.

“Most shelters will only take women,” Young said. “They can’t put a man in a women’s shelter, but where are they supposed to go if we tell them to walk away?”

An online search of domestic- violence shelters in San Bernardino County showed the overwhelming majority were specifically made to only take women with children.

Those that did admit men were mostly for recovering addicts or only provide shelter from the cold during winter.

To help male victims of domestic violence, Young has started a nonprofit called Heal Our Homes.

Young hopes the group, still in its infancy, will be able to open a shelter for men, first in Los Angeles and eventually one in San Bernardino.

“We need to teach our children, male or female, that violence is not right, and if they are victims they have to speak up,” Young said. “Violence is violence. It doesn’t matter how big you are or how small you are.”

For more information about Heal Our Homes, send an email to Young at info@

healourhomes.org or visit www.healourhomes.org.

beatriz.valenzuela@inlandnewspapers.com

909-386-3921, @IEBeatriz